"Repent therefore and
return that your sins may be wiped away in order that times of refreshing may
come from the presence of the Lord." Acts 3:19
I messed up, big time!
I gave in to my comfort, control and my anger. Last Wednesday I was feeling so accomplished after I had finished
writing my blog, preparing for a class I was to teach that night and responding
to some urgent emails. I had a
full morning and now it was time to take my shower and get dressed for the rest
of my day. Then it happened! No water! This was the second time in just five short days that my
water had been shut off without prior notice. The source of the problem was one of the condos below
mine. The condo’s owner is in the process of remodeling and repairing a water pipe problem that has plagued her place
for more than a year. The first
time the water was shut off was the day before I was to host a brunch for about
twelve women from my Sunday Bible study class. The management said that since the water was shut off
because of an emergency prior notice was impossible. Fortunately the water was finally turned
back on late that evening prior to the brunch. This time the water shut-off happened just as I was getting
ready for a class I was to teach. After investigating the cause of the water shut-off this time
I discovered that they had prior notice and that the manager was to put notices
on our doors. But, unfortunately
no one in our building received a notice. Unfortunately, I was blindsided by
this interruption in my day and I chose to be perturbed rather than
patient.
My first plan of action was to call the manager’s office. No answer, so I left a firm, but cordial message informing the manager of my situation. I let her know that I had no prior notice of the water shut-off and that it had totally interrupted my schedule and plans for my day. Then I called the gatehouse to speak with the security guard on duty to see if they had any clue as to why the water had been turned off and when it would be coming back on. They had no answers for me and informed me that the manager was not in the office for the day. What? Did she not know that I had a problem and that she needed to fix it? So, I proceeded to call her again and leave another firm, but not so nice message. You would think I would have just left it at that, right? Oh, no! Each hour on the hour I called to inform her through voicemail that my water was still not on and that it had totally ruined my day! I was all out of options and then an hour prior to when I had to be at my class, the water came on!
Instead of praising the Lord, I felt the Holy Spirit’s piercing of my heart. It was as if I woke up from a really bad dream. What in the world came over me? How could I go now and teach people how to tell their stories for God’s glory, when I was caught in the trap of my own story of seeking my glory, my comfort and my control? Wow, I had really blown it! I fell to my knees in shame and agreed with the Lord that what I had done was wrong. In fact, I had just taught a lesson on the contentious woman and the three observations of such a woman were being played out in my own life!
- She is difficult to live with.
- She is a constant annoyance to others.
- She is difficult to change, console or to love.
I had been difficult, an annoyance, hard to console and I am
sure very hard to love as the manager listened to her voicemail of me rambling
on about how I had been inconvenienced at her incompetence! (Yes, I really did say that!) At that moment I experienced brokenness
that I hadn’t experienced in a very long time. I bowed my knees and my heart before the Lord confessing,
like Paul, that I must be chief among sinners. I was baffled by my behavior, but realized that we are all
just one-step away from a very bad choice!
I went to my
class and was compelled to share the story of my afternoon confession and what
my plans were for making it right. I could barely sleep that night as I
rehearsed in my mind how I would confess my wrong to the manager and beg her
forgiveness. I awoke at 5:00 am
and prayed once again for words and wisdom as I waited for the hour to come
when I could act on the truth that I had heard and read in God’s Word: To confess and pray, so that I could be
healed and that my praying would be effective once more. (James 5:16) As soon as I knew the
manager was in, I walked, at a very fast pace I might add, to her office to beg
her forgiveness. As she came out
of her office to meet me I noticed that her arm was wrapped in gauze, which prompted me to ask her what had happened. She told me that she had been out of the office for surgery on her arm on the day she had received all my voicemails. Wow, I felt even more shame and felt
like the biggest jerk ever! I told
her that there was no excuse for my behavior and that I was wrong to have
spoken to her in such a hurtful and angry way. I asked if she would forgive me - she said yes. Her yes was as if someone had put a
healing balm on an open wound. I
walked out with such freedom, such joy, and with an even greater desire to obey
God and His Word.
The next day, I flew to California to visit my children. On
the flight I devoured a book that was full of scripture. I wept all the way through the book as
my heart was still tender and sensitive from the heart surgery God had performed
through my time of confession and repentance. God’s Word has spoken to me in a deeper way and my love for
Him has multiplied. The truths of Acts
3:19 continues to come to my mind:
“Repent therefore and return that your sins may be wiped away, in order
that times of refreshing may come from the presence of the Lord.” God has so
refreshed my soul that I can honestly say with the psalmist, “It was good for
me to be afflicted, so that I might learn His decrees.” (Psalm 119:71) When the Holy Spirit convicts us it is
the worst affliction one can experience, yet it has the most wonderful life-changing
results! Go ahead, return to the Lord with confession, weeping, and obediently
follow His lead. I promise nothing, absolutely nothing, feels as good as
forgiveness!
Forgiven and Refreshed,
Nancy
No comments:
Post a Comment