A Closet Meltdown

I had a closet meltdown today. I woke up extremely sore after my boot camp torture yesterday. I could barely get out of the bed and then after sitting in my "having coffee with Jesus" chair for an hour, my muscles felt frozen. Even with all the soreness, I tackled the elliptical at the gym this morning and enjoyed Sara Groves on my ipod. My day was going so well as I studied for my Sunday Bible study lesson and reviewed over my notes for the scripture memory class I teach tonight. The Lord was giving me some insights to share and illustrations to use. I was on a roll! Then, it happened. I took my shower - stayed in extra long under the hot water to ease my sore muscles - and then I went to my closet to find something to . . . . . wear! I looked through every piece of clothing hanging in my closet and found that most of the items no longer fit and those that fit were not quite right for "teaching." As I looked through the skirts and pants I was reminded that I had gained a good bit of weight since the last time I was able to wear most of them. They have been hanging in my closet for over a year without being worn. I keep telling myself I am going to lose this weight and be able to wear these again. I go on a diet and exercise my self into oblivion and lose a pound or two and then . . . . nothing! All my "poor me" emotions came flooding out and I found myself sobbing in my closet and muttering to myself, "You are so fat. How could you let yourself get like this. Now you are too fat to wear any of your clothes and you have no money to buy anymore!" I cried out to the Lord in my meltdown and He just listened. He is really good at listening to me when I cry out in meltdown mode. Then, right on cue, my husband calls to see how my day is going. I confessed that I had a closet meltdown again. He then proceeds to say what he always says, "Nancy you are beautiful and godly and God is using you greatly." Then he volunteered to give me $20 to buy another dress like the one I bought yesterday at Chico's for $18(originally cost $118!) At that moment I felt really small - not physically, but spiritually. I turned down his offer, but thanked him, just the same. Thank you Lord. Thank you for a husband that speaks grace, mercy, and love on Your behalf. I don't deserve it, but am overwhelmed by your grace and love. Mark 4:19 came flooding to my mind. "But the worries of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth and the desires for other things come in and choke the Word, making it unfruitful." Along with my closet meltdown, the Word was being choked right out of me- the Life was being choked by my worry over what to wear, my desire to be thinner, and thinking that if I just had enough money I could fix everything! How on earth could those lies get into my brain that is flooded with God's Word? Easy - I hadn't been alert! But God was- He provided a way out of my self-obsession - through my husbands phone call- and into realization of the Truth! Thank you Lord for proving your Word true again in my life. Attention: I am now leaving the closet meltdown, clothed with Christ!

Boot Camp Blues

I thought I was doing fine. . . I had been prayer "walking" with my friends four days every week. My prayer life was strengthened and we were so encouraged when we finished. Two of my prayer walking buddies have been sick, so I am on my own this week. I had felt for a while that I needed to up my routine, so I thought their sickness was my opportunity to try out some "more intense" exercise. This morning I went back to boot camp, after not going for several months. I love my prayer walking friends and haven't wanted to miss our times together, so was content to do very low impact exercise paired with high-impact prayer. This morning I could have used some high-impact prayers! After one hour of sheer torture to this 50+ body, I came to the realization that my friends had led me down the path of destruction - destruction of my muscles, that is. After boot camp/torture, I could barely make it up the stairs to my condo this morning! Just leaning over to shave my legs was painful! What a dilemma I find myself in. What shall I choose? Torture and rock- solid abs and triceps or Prayer walking and sagging cellulite with a Rock-solid heart? Oh my, decisions, decisions. There must be a balance here. Maybe I will just soak my sore muscles in the tub tonight and pray about it!

My finger is healed!

A few weeks ago I cut my finger while slicing potatoes for vegetable soup. My mom was visiting while my husband was out of town. When I first felt the knife slice into the edge of my index finger, I knew I was in trouble! I immediately put pressure on it, to keep it from bleeding worse and covered it with a dishtowel, so I wouldn't see the blood. Blood makes me faint! I really can't control it- it just happens. Anyway, my mom helped me to clean it up and put a bandage on it. She wasn't a very compassionate nurse however, because she laughed when I mentioned that I thought it may need stitches. In the hours and days to follow my finger went through a metamorphosis of sorts. It went from red, to blue, to brown and yellow in color. First it looked like a chunk of flesh had been cut out and then laid back on top of my finger. I didn't think it would ever grow back together! It was extremely sore and tender to the touch. After about a week, I decided to keep the bandage off. Being out in the open seemed to speed up the healing. And besides no one even noticed that I had a hurt finger, with or without the bandage. Little by little the finger has healed. I hadn't thought much about it lately, until this morning. I looked at it and the chunk of flesh has miraculously grown seamlessly back in place and there is only a pin-sized scar left. You are probably wondering why on earth I am telling you about this. Well it dawned on me that my finger is a lot like my heart. When I am hurt, bruised, or broken by another it overwhelms my thoughts and my life. Some people never notice that I bear the scars and others may laugh it off when I share the hurt, but that doesn't lessen my pain. It is only when I go to the Healer of my heart, who brings me the salve of His Word and the bandages of His Spirit that I begin to heal. It is a slow process, yet over time, I come to a moment when I realize that it is only a little pin-sized nick in my heart that is barely even noticeable. I am amazed at the healing power of God. He takes my often hurt heart and not only heals it but makes it stronger in the process. My heart is healed! Psalm 107:20
Lord, give me eyes to really see those hurting around me and Your healing Word to apply to their hearts. Forgive me when I laugh to myself, "Can't they just get over that or get a little tougher?" Help me to be a bearer of healing words not hurting words. Praise the Healer.

The Day Before the Climb

Tired, yet inspired.
Awed, anxious, yet anticipating.
Humbled, honored, yet humbled once more.
Terrified, trembling, yet trusting -
In God alone.
Unsure, unworthy, yet unyielding in my asking for . . .
Wisdom, waiting, yet wondering - "How will it all work out?"
Considering, yet confident Christ's call will be completed through
His strength and care.


Nancy Taylor -
These are the thoughts that flooded my mind as I prepared to meet with the Lord the last day before the first day of teaching a new Bible study class.

Life in the 50's

When I entered the 5th decade of my life I became very reflective and a little depressed thinking that my life was going downhill fast. Through the last two years the Lord has shown me that being in my fifties brings with it the most opportunity for His usefulness. You see, I have lived through family dysfunction, youthful rebellion, a college education, my wedding, natural child birth, death of family members, and now giving my children flight. I have gained some wisdom through many failures, struggles, and determined devotion. I have taught elementary, middle school, and college students. I have lived in a small frame house (later condemned), in the country and in a city high rise with valet service. I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds and taught others how not to! I have traveled the world and seen complete poverty in India, orphans in Africa and over-the-top materialism in Dubai.

Recently while prayer walking with my dear friend and fellow boomer,Mary Ann, I experienced a God ah ha moment. It occurred to me that we were each just reaching the prime years where there are no longer children to take care of on a daily basis or employers to impress. Instead now is the time when I can take all of my experiences that God has so graciously given me and allow Him to pour me out by now mentoring and ministering to the next generation. I am now watching eagerly to see what God will do with this woman in her fifties, who has experienced life in the pit and on the mountain and every place in between.

Now if you have looked back, then forward and wondered "now what?" Remember Psalm 27:13&14, "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." Join me in the land of the living, waiting on the Lord to do immeasurably more! Ephesians 3:20