A Reason to Sing

There is a song that All Sons and Daughters sing that keeps going through my mind. The song is titled, “A Reason to Sing.”  It starts out with the cry of a desperate heart confessing,  “I need a reason to sing!”  Sunday morning I awoke in a cloud, a dark cloud.  I forced myself from my bed and out of the cloud long enough to pray and prepare my mind and heart to teach a lesson about the ongoing war within every person.  The war can be stated precisely using the words of the Apostle Paul in Romans 7:15, “For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate.”  Once in the classroom the Lord provided me with boldness and with words to communicate His message of grace.  The lesson went well and as we gathered for prayer after class our prayer room filled to capacity.  The prayer time together was sweet and powerfully authentic as the women poured out their hearts to the Lord.  I was on a high as I left church that day! He had given me a reason to sing. 

The cloud that greeted me Sunday morning was back by sundown.  Why was I feeling so down, discouraged and on the verge of despair?  At first I blamed it on just missing my children.  They are so far away and at times I feel so disconnected to the very ones I had given birth to.  I looked around my small condo and wondered if I would ever get it to the place I wanted it to be.   I began to wonder if I had even missed out on what God called me to do?  Boy, my mind was definitely in a thick cloud of self-pity.  Nothing seems right with my world.  But, I didn’t have time to stay there for long.  I had to prepare for Monday, as I was to show up for jury duty!  A sense of dread and fear nipped at my heels as I went to bed with jury duty on my mind.

Monday, I got up early to pray, read through my devotional along with some verses to try and head off that dark cloud that still wanted to engulf me.  Just to be on the safe side I slipped a few of my scripture memory packs in my purse to keep my mind focused.  Twenty-two of us were lined up according to our assigned number and led into a courtroom with men in suits and a woman judge presiding.  The judge spoke to us about what would be expected of us and thanked us for doing our part to see that justice would be carried out.  Then the questioning began!

 The case involved a former prisoner and two prison guards.  The former prisoner was suing the prison guard saying that his civil rights had been violated.  The lawyers were looking for jurors who would be fair and unbiased.  The last question the lawyer asked has been going through my mind over the last few days.  He asked us to tell him the first one or two words that came to our minds when he said the word “prison.” He started with juror number one, which would be me, and went in order all the way to juror number twenty-two.  I answered with the one word, “cell,” as it was the first word that came to my mind.  The jurors who followed me had similar answers such as, locked-up, criminal, scary, and hard.  Finally, the very last juror, number twenty-two, spoke a word that no one expected: “hope!”  A moment of silence fell on the courtroom as everyone pondered what she could’ve possibly meant.  We were then all dismissed for a short break while the lawyers chose who would and would not be on the jury for the trial.

After our break we were led once again into the courtroom where we would learn our fate.  The Judge began to read the names of those who were chosen. I held my breath as I listened.  My name was not called and I was free to go!  The cloud that greeted me on Sunday was still following me around.  I had been released from jury duty, my husband was home after a week away, and I should have been celebrating! Instead I could only focus on all that I hadn’t accomplished because of having to sit around a courthouse for four hours!  Where was my head?

The cloud did not lift until this morning!  I went for my daily treadmill walk with my scripture memory cards in hand and my earphones on my head and the Son began to shine.  I focused on one of my memory verses, “But David encouraged himself in the Lord his God.”  (1 Samuel 30:6b)  I listened to the words play in my ears, “I need a reason to sing.  I need a reason to believe you still hold the whole world in your hands. . . Your peace is the melody you sing it over me now.”  That is the reason for juror twenty-two’s answer of hope!  The music continued, “I will sing to my God and King for you’ve been good always.”

I had been in the prison cell of self-absorption, focusing only on what I lacked.  It was only when I soaked my mind and heart in the truth of God’s Word that I was able to break out of that prison of despair through the Door of hope!  Another scripture verse came flooding into my mind, “But as for me, I will watch expectantly for the Lord; I will wait for the God of my salvation.  My God will hear me. Do not rejoice over me, O my enemy.  Though I fall I will rise; though I dwell in darkness, the Lord is a light for me.” (Micah 7:7-8) After teaching a lesson about our on going war within I was blindsided by the enemy’s song of discouragement.  In my cell of self I could only see the dark and hear the song of gloom.  I am so glad I kept asking the Lord to show me the way out of my self-made cell.  “Why are you in despair, O my soul?  And why have you become disturbed within me?  Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him, the help of my countenance and my God.”  (Psalm 42:11) 

If you find yourself in a self-made prison cell of self-pity today let me remind you of what the God of hope sings over you, “The Lord your God is in your midst, a victorious warrior.  He will exult over you with joy, He will be quiet in His love, He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy.”   If you have never experienced the peace of Christ or the hope of God I invite you today to enter through the Door, Jesus.  He stands ready to break you out of the prison of self and lead you to His wide opened spaces of extravagant grace, unending peace and a future filled with hope.  (Romans 15:13)

Singing a song of hope,

Nancy