Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Am I Willing, Really?




“My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.  Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him.  “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you.  Take this cup from me.  Yet not what I will, but what you will.”  Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping.  “Simon,” he said to Peter, “Are you asleep? Could you not keep watch for one hour?  Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”  Mark 14:34-38

I have been memorizing and meditating on this passage from the gospel of Mark concerning the last moments the disciples spent with Christ the evening of his betrayal and arrest.  Jesus was in deep sorrow as he prepared for what he knew was the Father’s will.  He begged God for another plan, his plan, yet he conceded his desire to remain with his disciples to God’s perfect will of suffering and shame.  He wrestled in his heart with God, but, as always, he submitted to the Father’s plan, knowing the joy that would follow.  Hebrews 12:2 

While Jesus wrestled with overwhelming grief, his disciples slept.  He was “obedient to the point of death,” Paul says in his letter to the Philippians.  Yet, his disciples gave in to sleep and their own needs rather than keeping watch as Jesus had commanded.  Jesus was saying, “not what I will, but what you will” to God.  Peter and the disciples didn’t have a clue what Jesus was going through.  They were more concerned with their need of sleep than with fulfilling the desire Christ had for them.

This week I have thought about my children and some other young adults who are searching to fulfill their dreams and goals for their “perfectly planned” life.  So often we look for the place we want to live or the job we want to have as some romantic adventure.  We spend much time dreaming about it, saving our money for it, and even giving up certain other opportunities as we continue our search for the perfect life we have planned.  If we are not careful we end up missing the Father’s perfect will and plan for our own glamorized notion of what we think is best for us!

What if Jesus had said, “Lord, this is not what I had in mind! I think I will stay right here with my followers and we will go with their idea of me being an earthly king.”  If Jesus would of slept with the disciples instead of surrendering to the Father’s will none of us would ever know the glory, the grace, the riches of eternity.  We wouldn’t have known what beauty comes from ashes, what harvest comes from discipline nor would we have known what it means to be a child of the King! 

There was a time when I said, “I will never move back to Houston!”  I ate those words 17 years ago.  If I had stayed with my plan I wouldn’t have been a part of an amazing church where my husband is the mission’s pastor.  I would not have gone on some amazing mission trips to India and Kenya.  I would have never been given the opportunity to create a position of leadership director in a health ministry.  My son wouldn’t have met his sweet wife.  I wouldn’t have had the privilege of caring for my mom in my home for a year as she battled cancer.  The list goes on and on. 

I am sure there are things that I haven’t been willing to do that God was calling me to do.  I am also sure that I missed out on some blessings along the way because of my disobedience and selfishness.  Today, as I think about my future and what I am willing to do with my life, my skills, my gifts, and my time, I am reminded of Jesus’ admonition to keep watching and praying.  I do not want to miss out on God’s perfect plan because I choose to sleep rather than watch for His hand and listen for His voice.  The Father’s plan doesn’t always make sense to us and it may not seem very glamorous, but if it is His plan, it will be a plan filled with His good purposes.  Today, I am laying down my will for His and will watch to see Him work for His good pleasure. Philippians 2:13 How about you? Are you willing, really?


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